Other awesome self help websites and apps are located at the bottom that have helped me through my journey. Below are detailed ways to combat your PTSD.
PTSD is incredibly debilitating, frightening, and confusing. You aren't yourself, you can't find where your "self" has run off to! Nothing feels right, you can't think properly, you can't make simple decisions, everything causes you to freak out, and you constantly think you're going crazy. This is nothing to play around with! If you are backed in a corner, or can't see straight, you need to get help fast! This section is designed to help you until you can find professional assistance (see the resources tab), aid you on a journey of healing after you seek help, or continue to hold your hand after you've been through counseling. I have a handy self-assessment under the "What is PTSD" tab, but it's only there to help you see if you think you may have PTSD and ease your mind. You must be properly diagnosed by a professional. IF YOU SUSPECT THERE IS SOMETHING TERRIBLY WRONG WITH YOU, OR THAT YOU MAY HAVE PTSD, PLEASE SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP OR ADVICE!! PTSD shares some symptoms with other illnesses that can only be treated with medication or special intensive therapy. Only by seeing a professional can you be properly diagnosed, and I recommend a second or third opinion ALWAYS to get your diagnosis validated. I hope my website can help those specifically with PTSD, depression, and anxiety, but there's a strong possibility that even if your illness is something different, the suggestions I've made in this blog will help you as well since many symptoms are similar across a broad spectrum of mental illnesses. But this blog is no substitution for proper professional attention!
PTSD won't disappear, and won't even begin to get better until you address your underlying concern. For me that was admitting I'd been raped. Sure I'd admitted it about 5 times total in 10 years, and only when absolutely necessary, but I never fully (or even partially) accepted in my mind that it had happened to me. I still pretended to be a-ok, even better than ok when around the rapist. It still feels like a truth shrouded in fog, and it's still hard to admit at times, even taking cultural conditioning out of the equation. My mind still rejects the admission, tries to "protect" me from the truth. I guess that's kind of sweet, however it doesnt allow me to grow, instead holding me in a prison of my mind's "protective" creation. In order to break free you must acknowledge what your mind refuses to allow you to admit. Your mind will do anything in its power to stop you from moving forward and acknowledging this. It views this admission as harmful (and the reality of it kind of is) as it will mean that everything your mind currently holds valuable is now placed on the chopping block- the admission might just change everything, might just make you completely naked and vulnerable, might get you rejected, might make your past beliefs wrong. Essentially to your mind, admission = death, thus the reaction we call PTSD.
The first thing is to realize is that you are NOT crazy. This is completely normal, and you are strong, you are a fighter for being able to live with this debilitating condition. PTSD is a mental security response to traumatic events that kicks in a very long term fight or flight response in the body and keeps the brain locked into a trauma survival mode. The crazy going on everywhere is your brain, your mind, trying to ensure its survival.
Secondly, you are NOT alone. It's easy to feel like you are going insane when PTSD is super severe, which of course makes you feel all alone. No one understands what is happening to you, YOU don't understand what's happening to you! You can't even describe what's wrong when people are concerned for you. It's terrifying, and you don't know where to go or where to turn. Unfortunately many people turn to the wrong people out of terror and desperation- I know I did... :/
These people further make you believe you are going crazy and thus you further feel isolated. Not even these people that you trusted can help you! Perhaps they even have qualifications helping people, like a life coach or mentor. The thing you must understand is these people are scared. They may honestly not understand what is wrong with you, however your pain might remind them of their own pain, their own demons. They also may be frightened of making everything worse by giving you wrong or harmful advice. The thing to remember is that there are millions of people throughout the world that have PTSD. Veterans, rape survivors, abuse survivors or survivors of violence, people who've witnessed a violent crime, people who live in war zones, etc. All over the world people are suffering, just like you, maybe worse. They may not have access to PTSD therapy, counselors, or the Internet. But you do. Luckily for you, you've come here. and you're not alone. Remember that and be thankful!
One of the best things you can do for yourself initially is to notice your surroundings in the present and be thankful for what you can be thankful for. This exercise helps to ground you in the present, rather than allowing your mind to keep you chained to the past. This will take time and won't work amazingly to alleviate symptoms at first. It will definitely take effort, but whenever you can feel your mind completely freaking out (for me this was literally ALL THE TIME), try to notice it and immediately force yourself to notice something in THE PRESENT that you are truly thankful for. Go with practical things at first- things your mind can't refute as truth. Be thankful for your job that provides you with money, or your car that provides you with a way to get to work, or a roof over your head so you're not freaking out outside in the cold and rain, your cat (or kids, or dog, or fish) that provide you comfort as you are suffering, a bed to freak out in (and- fingers crossed- sleep in), a tv to try and veg out, pain pills or alcohol or whatever to help numb the pain, WHATEVER you can TRULY be thankful for in the present. Be thankful and let go. Don't allow your mind time to dwell on anything else about the gratitude or it may try to find a reason for you not to be grateful (yeah but the job is crummy, yeah but the car is crap, yeah but WHATEVER). It doesn't matter if your bed is a place to freak out in- that's going to happen anyway- what matters is that it's a BED, not the GROUND. I think even your irrational mind can agree that on the surface and practically speaking, you are right. The goal is to allow the present to be a safer, more comfortable, more happy place so you can begin to do more work.
As you get better with this, be thankful for more things- and truly feel the gratitude to the point of tears. Do things to be thankful for- send someone a sweet "thinking of you card", respond to an online forum (a kind and supportive one please- possibly one related to what happened to you), create computer art or music or video, anything chill, all from the comfort and safety of your couch. Do something to make others happier in the world, no matter how small, silly, or unappreciated the gesture may be. The point is to create gratitude and fulfillment in the present.
Now that you are listening and paying attention to your thoughts, you need to also learn and discover. Although there are many ways to do this, the best is to listen to yourself, and learn from others who have already traveled similar paths. Learn how to nourish, cleanse, and feed your soul. Your soul has been wounded, bloodied and may feel like it will never heal again. It's your job now to allow it to feel. Feel anger, pain, sadness, hatred, shame. Feel everything that is taboo, everything that is not acceptable, not allowed. Let it flow out, release it, without judgement or scolding. You have a right to feel the way you do- just be sure not to act out in a harmful manner from the emotions. Find an outlet to let them out- be creative! Throw some ugly paint on a canvas, stab it a few times with the brush- make it look ugly. Sing some angry songs that make you want to take on the world by yourself. Scream them at the top of your lungs. Allow yourself to cry. Put into words your emotions and write them in a pretty (or ugly) book. Start out with just the words describing the emotions, then move on and branch out from there, describing what they do to you, or more emotions or descriptions of the emotions. Go into detail. Read lots of information about healing the soul and others who had similar journeys. Read online, at bookstores, on blogs, etc. Disconnect from expectations of the world at large, especially the media (news, tv, radio, etc). Focus on yourself and things you CAN change, not ethereal things outside your circle of power that you cannot control, and turn off all expectations and demands that you possibly can. Find the few things that allow you to shut off completely or that still give you true joy and use these as rewards or as reset buttons. Be sure to reward yourself with something small each day (whether you've done anything to deserve it or not is not the point) like a coffee or tea and some down time, or some reading time by a fire with wine, or a nice relaxing walk alone with music (I like all three of these)- whatever small pleasure you can still enjoy. Treat yourself daily in this fashion. Save the larger, more involved things to set your reset button when you need it. Perhaps it's a day trip to the mountains, or a movie or show, or a spa treatment or whatever (for me I watch an anime for a few days straight- all of it- and it resets me). Just so long as it can shut you off completely as a manual power-down for whenever you need it to keep yourself from losing your mind. You NEED to do this for your own sanity and benefit- no analytical arguing! No matter that you feel lazy or that you THINK you SHOULD be doing something else. Do this because you deserve it and you're worth it. Keep it simple, but meaningful and worthwhile.
When you are finally able to listen to your mind more, and truly recognize the patterns and repetitions to what you are thinking, you can learn to combat and change your thinking to empower you. Listen for truth in the pattern and state the obvious. This is your mantra. It could be that you wish to live more wholly in the present and you are only living in a shadow of the past by allowing your flashbacks to get the better of you and engulf your world and your mind with memories and obsessive thoughts about the past and what it means in the now. Perhaps you find your mantra to be "if it's happening, be for it". You can't change what has just happened- only by embracing what happens can you move forward and exist in the present. Perhaps your mantra will be very different, but if it's a mantra, it will resonate with your very soul. You may stumble upon it while reading and learning about yourself, or you may just have it come to you suddenly. You may have many mantras, and I believe that to be a good thing- a sign of growth. Whatever you find to be true, it must also be kind and resonate with your inner being. Write these mantras down and repeat them all the time and as needed for what's going on in your mind.
Below are some more resources for healing, getting comfort, nurturing yourself, and understanding yourself. Use them as you would a doctor's prescription- daily. Make it your habit and goal to learn something new, to have a new realization, everyday. And above all, be knd and gentle with yourself. You have all the time you need.
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Tips that have helped me:
Find relevant music- Music really does make a difference in directing your mood, your intentions, mindset, and motivations. Find music appropriate for your situation! I mostly had to learn what music to use to help calm and de-stress myself. Try something classical like Debussy or Grieg, Chopin, Orff, or Bach. Chillout and new age more your style? Try Paul Schwartz, Bliss, Enya, Cafe del Mar, Buddha Bar, Loreena McKennitt, E.S.Posthumus or Enigma. Looking for jazz? How about Dave Brubeck, Miles Davis, Herbie Hancock, Verve Remixed Compilations, Vince Guaraldi, or other chill jazz. More happy music to check out would be eek-a-mouse, Yoko Kanno, Frou Frou, Universal Hall Pass, or Trampled By Turtles. For music to motivate you try The Birthday Massacre, Clutch, Stolen Babies, Miss Kittin, KMFDM, or My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult. One of my favorite songs to pass out sleeping to on repeat is Ronan Hardiman Celtic Dream (didn't even know the song name till recently), or some hypnotherapy tracks I have. These are just a few suggestions you may find useful as a starting point. Try Internet radio, discover artists on iTunes by listening to song snippets, and develop your own unique recipe for calming your nerves, motivating yourself, putting yourself in a sleepy state, meditating, or just surviving the day. Comment about what music has helped you most!
Find and save pictures- Have trouble sleeping, calming your nerves, getting happy? Go online and look through pictures, downloading any and all that resonate with you. Find pictures that put you in a super relaxed state and make you want to sleep, find pictures that make you smile, or laugh, or that are just cute and give you warm feelings. Do you have a goal you want to reach? Download visions of that goal. Reading something online and find a great picture, or a picture that resonates with you? Download them! Save these in folders and use as needed.
Messages that make you smile- Did you get a sweet message from someone? Find a motivational poster message, funny message, inspiring or kind message that made you smile, or a thought that reminded you of the good in humanity and in yourself? Save it! Read through these when you need a pick me up. And I know this may sound a bit strange, but try sending yourself a kind, sweet text to yourself at night to read in the morning. Try putting it in third person (like you're talking to yourself-
Be thankful everyday- Find something at least once a day to be grateful for. See how much you can be grateful for. This puts your focus on the positive and things that you can have control over.
Learn something new everyday- Be sure to learn something you didn't know before every day. Look up somebody or something you've never researched, someone or something you're familiar with but have never took the time to learn about. Try Harry Houdini, Boston Corbett, Josef Mengele, Elizabeth Bathory, Robert Wadlow, Cheng Shih, William Buckland, William Spooner. Research bog bodies, string theory, strange festivals in Spain, meditation, sky burial, the first blood transfusion expiraments, etc. You could also look up random facts or get an app that gives you neat facts. Check out "how stuff works" on their app or website. Start reading non fiction, study the brain, psyche, physical and mental conditions, philosophy, read about different cultures or lost, secluded tribes of people. Begin to immerse yourself in the study of things human, the natural world around us and how we relate, and the study of self.
Think positive thoughts- Yeah, easier said than done sometimes I know, but make a conscious effort to try and think positive thoughts for every negative thought you catch yourself thinking. You could also just change the thought from a negative thought about how you can't control the situation and are helpless to a thought about how you can try and influence your situation positively in some way (ex: car broke down- when you hear yourself thinking "I'm so screwed, today is completely shot and I'm soaking wet from the rain", change it to something positive and something you can influence "Well, now I get some me-time at a coffee shop to dry off and unwind. This will be pleasurable and relaxing"). If this is hard at first, use gratitude in place of positive thoughts for a time (see above).
Exercise control where you can- We can't control everything in life, although we all wish we could. Stop wasting your energy and choose instead to exercise control in small ways where you can. Focus on areas like exercise, diet, and giving time to yourself, focusing the whole time on doing something good for yourself just because you deserve it. I decided to go vegan as a means to better overall health. Perhaps you could care less about diet, but realize a nice, relaxing walk makes you feel good. Regardless of where you choose to exercise control in your life, be sure it is positive control- something that is gentle, kind, and supportive, good, for your body, spirit, and mind. Take small steps- just change one thing at a time. Perhaps you are exercising completely unsupportive means of control in areas of your life. Just pick an area you wish to make positive, and work on that area only until you are comfortable and happy there, then move on as you wish. Go at your own pace with this, focusing only on what is good, positive, supportive and correct for you. Above all, you need to have some time each day for yourself (at least 15 minutes a day)- a pleasurable time-out from the stresses of the world. Even if you are stressed when alone, do this for yourself and give yourself something pleasurable during this time (a piece of chocolate, meditation, rest, light therapy, tea, coffee, a chapter of a book), whatever you need until this becomes a safe place for you. Build your relationship with yourself here in this safe place.
Give yourself a minimum of 15 minutes of quality time-out everyday!- I put this here in bold just in case you missed it in the last paragraph. Yeah, it's that important...
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Online self help tools:
Cath Duncan's site rememberingforgood.com
Our modern society discourages grieving and healing. Find out how to heal, and grieve your way. Her site is directly relevant for those with PTSD- the blog is just awesome! And download her free ebook!
Jen Louden's site jenniferlouden.com
Develop self trust and learn to listen to your inner self. Natural, holistic ways to savor the present and serve others around you while healing. She also does a lot with writing- a good way to let your feelings out.
Oprah's site oprah.com
I've never been a big Oprah fan, never watched her shows, but I stumbled upon her website somehow, and I've had more growth, more a-ha moments than with any other site. "Spirit" is the best tab for healing. Sign up for emails from the blog- you won't regret it.
Martha Beck's site marthabeck.com
Some of my favorite articles on the Oprah blog are from Martha Beck. All her writings are profoundly insightful. Are you ready to get realization whiplash?
Susan Piver's site susanpiver.com
Lesrn how to heal and be in control through meditation. Sign up for her open heart project emails where she teaches about meditation, quieting the mind, and controlling and embracing your thoughts and the present just as it is.
Ivan Campuzano's site ivancampuzano.com
Ivan's newsletters help with positive thinking and mind control! (I'm talking about your own mind of course). He helps you become master of your mind.
Supplements I've used to help regulate my PTSD site centsandcentsibility.com
The tryptophan, sleep aid (prime dreams), and chill pill (bliss) supplements I use with information and studies, as well as other supplements to boost mental function, energy, immune function, etc. Type L-tryptophan, bliss (for chill pills), or prime dreams (for sleep aid) into the search bar at the top. Although I haven't tried it yet, vitamind looks to be helpful as well. There are many more I've used for various things.
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Self help apps:
PTSD Coach- Developed by the VA, this app is the best I've found so far. I've not used it extensively yet, but it has ways to self monitor symptoms, descriptions of PTSD, suggestions for how to cope, audio coping programs to help with visualizations or meditation, pictures, music, and people (saved from contacts) that help you, self assessments for PTSD and a chart to monitor progress, and connections to websites and hotlines for immediate help when needed. The app is customizable to what helps you. This is an important app if you have PTSD, or care for someone who does.
PTSD Eraser- This app takes a unique twist to addressing PTSD symptoms, and is a great tool for starting to pay attention to thoughts and emotions. It addresses specifically stuck emotions and how to allow the emotions and energy to flow through you, not consume you. It walks you through holistic energy and emotional healing, and has a built in audio program to help you. It is a great tool, but I believe it needs to go together with the PTSD Coach for best results- its always good to have resources at your fingertips.
Fluidity, Cartwheel, Substrate, Energy Free- These apps are perfect for when you need to veg and keep your, mind distracted. Just put on music and open the app, then veg out. It helped sometimes when my mind was crazy. Some of them are also good as a focal point for meditation when you get to that stage.
Pandora, Tunemark, iRadio Suite- Or any other radio app that's any good. I recommend having one that's based like pandora off the artist or song of choice (or genre), and one based solely off online radio stations in genre subtypes. It gives you more variety. I have awesome stations for every mood, but most importantly you need music to help you chill and relax. Searching by genre works great, but on pandora my favorite stations to chill out to when I'm in freak out mode are; Paul Schwartz Radio, Claude Debussy Radio, Dave Brubeck Radio, Carl Orff Radio, Loreena McKennitt Radio, and sometimes Trampled By Turtles Radio, Worldbeat Radio, Yoko Kanno Radio, Frou Frou Radio and Universal Hall Pass Radio. I have others for angry radio, get stuff done radio, etc. I also have certain music I put on loop or hypnotherapy for sleeping. Expirament and find what you resonate with for chilling out- I find that to be the hardest to do, followed by getting stuff done and sleeping.
iBooks, Kobo, Kindle- Or any good book app. Great for trying to shut the mind up. Also good for sleeping- download Beowulf. I dare you not to fall asleep (and it's actually a great read too!). HPLovecraft's stuff are also great reads. Peruse the free books and I guarantee you will find some interesting sleeping material.
Whirly Word, Fishtropolis, TanZen- Or trivia apps too. These are fun apps that get so repetitious that you can veg out, listen to your thoughts, or fall asleep on them. I do all the time :)
Relax Melodies, Sleep Machine- I have the lite versions. They help to produce background music on a loop or background noise to help you sleep. You can set many different noises at the same time if you want, like thunder, rain, and wind chimes, or whatever you want. Even if you don't use it for sleep, it's deeply relaxing!
I also use a basic notepad for writing down my thoughts, ideas, mantras, websites that help me, thoughts or quotes that help me, etc. It's been very helpful and therapeutic thus far, and has helped lead to the production of this blog.
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