The best present

We as human beings love obscurity and the vague, to be in and among existence, but to simultaneously shut off and unplug. We love to allow our consciousness to drift here, there, reliving the past, dreaming about the future, existing everywhere but in the present moment. We wistfully float around remembering the past or zip impatiently into the future. But remaining present in your life in this very moment, experiencing exactly what is occurring and embracing what currently is happening right now, and now, and now, and (you get it, right?) is the very best present we can ever give ourselves.

By living in the past we continue patterns, some positive (using the past to shape your future by the present moment), but most having negative effects. We focus on what could have been or on what shouldn't have happened, usually focusing on some aspect that leaves us stuck, emotionally stunted, and continuing a cycle that we don't want and is hard to break. Even nostalgic reminiscing can produce negative effects if we believe the past to be a more desired place than the present moment and fall into escapist patterns. But while suffering from ailments such as PTSD it is terribly hard to keep your mind from thinking of and ruminating obsessively on the past. It often seems uncontrollable and the mind seems to act of its own volition.

Living with your focus in the future is often like offering a loan to a kid to produce a start up company. Sure there will be large, grandiose, interesting ideas, but the likelihood of anything specific coming to fruition, especially the way it's planned, is slim. The future rarely turns out as planned, and although a plan or map to travel in the right direction is important, it takes flexibility and creativity to get where we are going as our cartography skills are poor unless we've been to these places before (which is why reliving the past is so easy), this requires remaining in and assessing the present moment. When living with your focus elsewhere rather than focusing your awareness on the present moment, you miss all the magic, beauty, and whole-ness from both positive and negative experiences that exists only in the now.

By noticing positive aspects of the present moment one can break free from the past and live without fear of the future, but it takes patience, practice, and time (and it's something I'm still personally learning and working on). The practice is unending, culminating when life ceases. When negative memories of the past come up, realize where it belongs. It's not currently happening, it can't affect you physically in a harmful manner, it's just an old home movie of the mind, and just as movies hypnotize and produce emotion, so is the movie in your mind trying to elicit a response and keep the past forever alive as a corpse zombie in the present. Realize this as what it is, label it and use it as a compass to direct yourself to a more desirable future. Do you enjoy the memory? If so why? If not why? Recognize the aspects you enjoy or dislike about the memory most (spending time with family or friends, giving alone time to yourself, playing music, making art, being joyful, or massive anxiety, sadness, overwhelm, etc) and think of ways you could manipulate the present moment to give you more of what you want and less of what you don't. Be realistic in your wants (don't require the impossible of yourself- you can't get back something permanently lost- what about that thing in the past did you enjoy? Find a similar result through alternate means) and make a game plan for the present, thinking solely of what you need right now. Keep in mind any negative consequences the future may hold for your current actions, and make sure you are going in the general direction you wish your future to take, but otherwise live in the now, notice the now, do what it is you need to do now to produce the things you want more of. Start small. If you enjoy spending time with family, plan some get togethers like a game night or go out in nature together with a picnic lunch. If you enjoy some time alone for your sanity, give yourself a coffee or tea break alone at a coffee shop, or retreat to your bedroom for 20 minute do-not-disturb time, maybe with a book or to meditate with quiet music. Get creative! Combine your likes, or treat yourself to your favorite snack or activity after doing something you dread but have to do (seeing the doctor or cleaning the litter box). Realize that this very moment you are in is all that is. It is the now, the present, this moment is all that is. This moment is all existence. Soak it up and enjoy it in tranquil peace. Notice all the good around you- in other's lives and yours. Notice beauty and good in all you see and make a point of noticing. This strengthens your "beauty, peace, and happiness" muscle that influences your outlook on life. If you want peace and contentment while in the midst of life's chaos, you must make this part of your being strong through constant practice. Just notice and constantly try- it doesn't have to be perfect, the effort and consistency is what counts.

The negative aspects of your past are usually harder to eliminate from your future in the same way that you can increase the positive, as they are usually things out of your control. In this instance it's better to change your focus and mentality. Focus on the positive and creating positive in the present moment, and when the negative inevitably shows itself, release yourself from your attachment and emotions the best you can, and observe as they happen. Allow them to happen and just notice and label them in your mind. Notice any patterns or if any are repeating themes. You may be surprised at the results. Think of different ways to approach or think about these patterns to change them (after you settle down and return to a place close to normalcy). This is very personal and differs for each person and instance, so get creative! Try different things and see what works best for you, and be patient. You can't reverse trends that took years (maybe your whole life) to create in one day, week, month or year. Be kind and gentle and nurturing to yourself. When something catastrophic happens, recognize it as that, understand that this happens and is normal, allow yourself to feel what you do, and do something for yourself after the initial rush of overwhelm and emotions passes. Give yourself a small timeout to recharge and breathe. "Enjoy" the present moment the best you can with all the current swarm of emotions and perceived negativity. In this moment you are painfully and acutely alive ("I hurt myself today to see if I still feel"). Feel your pain, your emotions, and understand that this is the present- currently this is what is, this is the only moment you have. Realize that, and observe life happening around you. Notice the positive (beautiful green trees, or mountains in the distance, or lush graffiti on the brick wall across the street, or flowers in a yard, or a beautifully grey swath of sky to match your feelings, crows pecking around trying to survive, or other people going down the street in the fog of monotonous existence- you in this moment are awake) notice whatever seems beautiful to you or good. Whenever you are able, focus on the beauty around you in nature, manmade objects, even junk. See life as an artist or through the lens of an indie movie-maker, and know that all things come in waves and cycles. Learn to decipher these waves and cycles and you have the key to your own existence.

The past is but a dream or nightmare, the future a spectral uncertainty, only by existing in the present moment can we embrace our true nature and true selves and enjoy the gift of life in its entirety. The best present is NOW!