Baby it's cold outside

Baby it's cold outside
Permeating throughout society are interesting, strange, pervasive theories about women, gender roles, male dominance, and rape. I believe these all to be intertwined, their patriarchal roots anchored deep in ancient soil, penetrating to the very core of even our modern, rational, scientific age. They are often subconscious assumptions, reactions, teachings, learned and passed down through the "craft", an art of subjugation so engrained in our collective consciousness and subconscious understanding that even the frivolous glory of our dominant culture and discourses only begins to dig at the roots, not yet understanding how far down they have actually embedded into the murky depths.

Even understanding these murky, dank undertones, beginnings, and prejudices to the subject, I am often irked by various generalizations, innuendos, and basic ideologies spewing from the mouthpiece of society, but at no time does this irritate me more than at Christmas time. We as a culture are bombarded by antiquated, stylized versions of how women "ought" to be, and given skewed versions of relationship between the sexes, particularly around the holidays, and no holiday song is this more obnoxious and obvious than "Baby It's Cold Outside". Granted, I'm a sucker for holiday music, but every time this song comes on, regardless of the version, I cringe. Yes, this is partly for the obvious objectification of women, but also partly for the chauvinist-ification of men. Quite frankly it makes all men look like disgusting, desperate, roofie dispensing degenerates incapable of comprehending their native tongue (particularly the word no) when long hair and legs are close by, and by portraying the woman as mercurial when doggedly persuaded, it reinforces the widely accepted notion that "no" means "maybe". This further marginalizes both sexes, putting them in a nice box (it's boys' nature to chase skirts, it's girls' nature to quietly, secretly want it), further stereotyping people when it's quite frankly in everybody's nature to just be people! We are essentially teaching and promoting (and selling!) rape culture- this is only a handy holiday example.

This separates and ostracizes those who have been raped by a thick veil of guilt and shame directly resulting from society's teachings and acceptance of rape culture. Guilt is laid on thick, because society teaches that perhaps there was something you could've done to prevent it (worn a different dress, not invited that person in unattended, not accepted that drink, not drunk as much, not walked down that alley as a shortcut, not trusted that person, not gone out in the first place, stayed inside in isolation and seclusion from all the dangers of the outside world- yeah that certainly will prevent rape and anything else from happening). Living like this is hardly called life, but guilt will still permeate this stigma until we can all accept that rape is unacceptable and the "victim" is NOT in any way shape or form responsible for this act of terror. (I put victim in quotes because I find it to be a dirty word, but one that most people understand for definition principles). We need to quit dismissing victims as liers or putting them through twenty questions, invalidating their trauma and their healing. We need to immediately believe and support those who have gone through a terrible trauma such as this, and immediately and severely deal with those promoting the terror of rape. That may mean criminal investigations, ostracizement, community service, sociatal inflicted penance, counseling, swift criticism of those who spread guilt through chauvinist rape jokes and negative media portrayal or promotion of victims (like the Herman Cain fiasco for example). In a hostile environment one clams up, not speaking about the trauma, not healing, not going out, not doing, not being. A person becomes a hermit, living in painful seclusion, all because of the mirror of society looking back with a brutally harsh and negative image due to circumstances that were beyond their control. This also leaves a person feeling helpless and desperately out of control of their own destiny. Only in a safe and supportive environment can someone heal from the horrible, life permeating effects of rape and become a truly healthy and contributing member of society.

Guilt in turn produces shame. Shame keeps people quiet. Shame keeps stories from being told and healing from taking place. It keeps "victims" victimized and terrorists at large as rapists, molesters, and other forms of shapeshifting evil. Shame produces physical reactions to trauma and confrontation of the demons of rape such as uncontrollable shaking, nausea, rapid and elevated heartbeat, physical pain (especially back pain), migraines, severe insomnia, severe anxiety, racing thoughts, lack of concentration, etc. Shame is a cancer that spreads to all areas of life. What begins as shame of admission of the rape or shame of things that are a direct result of the rape spreads to shame of canceling obligations or enjoyments because of guilt and anxiety, shame of calling off sick because of illness, shame of admitting negative incidences or other bad things that happen. This bottling up of negativity and emotions pours itself out in unsupportive ways, creating illness within, and multiplying and spreading negativity and unfortunate incidences throughout the person's life. The best way to alleviate shame in society is to stop the pervasive theories and dogmas in society surrounding victim blame or condemnation. Provide support and loving kindness for all human beings in mannerisms, action and speech (because of course if they feel shameful telling you they were raped, you probably don't know who in your life suffers from this), provide a safe, accepting atmosphere where "victims" can completely shed the burden of society that's been placed upon them, and heal in a complete, whole, and safe and supportive place.

Only by confronting this disgusting, degrading outlook on relationships, stereotypes, and rape culture as a whole society, in our entirety, can we help to eradicate the disease of rape and molestation from our modern culture, end preventable suffering of this kind, help those affected heal, and become a more compassionate, whole society- a society of equality, love, support, and creative, expressive, safe individuality.

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."
Henry Van Dyke

***********Under construction**************
Sorry! This is still a draft although blogger obviously thinks it is good enough to post right away...