Societal implications of PTSD

So often society has dictated edicts based on fear, ignorance, and misinformation, and common mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, and PTSD are no different "societal illnesses" than were racism, sexism, and class-ism. While looking for venues to speak at in Seattle about my journey with PTSD, I came across this article that made my blood boil. I've responded in part to the author, and if I do get a response in return, I'll post it as well.

Here's the original article (from Seattle PI):

My brother's battle with PTSD
By CAROLYN HAX, SYNDICATED COLUMNIST
Published 04:04 p.m., Sunday, October 16, 2011
E-mail Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.

Dear Carolyn:

My brother has undiagnosed PTSD and is moving through his pain by abusing alcohol. Having already lost one career due to a DUI, he is in full denial and on a crash course for losing his wife and his life.

We have recently learned that our mother is terminally ill. My brother plans to come for a visit in November.

The only gift I can give my mother now is a sense that her children will be OK. If my brother comes to town in his current state, it will rip her to pieces. How do I start?

-- M.

You start by accepting that you can't make a gift of something that isn't yours to give.
Your brother's life is his to save. You can urge him to get help; you can try to coordinate your efforts with his wife to improve your chances of nudging him into seeking a diagnosis and appropriate care; you can attend Al-Anon meetings; you can call the NAMI help line at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or find a support group at www.nami.org; you can try (repeat: try) to orchestrate his visit with an eye to minimizing the stress on your mother, say by scheduling visits for when she is most alert or comfortable.

You can also contact your local hospice provider to see what support resources they offer, both for you and for your mom. You'll find that self-destructive tendencies in the families of the terminally ill are not unexplored terrain.

What you cannot do is scrub your brother of distress and present him to your mom as a worry to cross off her list. All you will likely accomplish is to add a worry to your list, which will radiate to your mother as a reason to fret about you.

Please focus your energy on providing the comfort devoted children are ideally suited to provide. Some of that will be logistical, like acting as intermediary with doctors and other professionals, and as link to loved ones beyond her physical reach. The rest will be emotional, and you can bring her peace just by caring about her needs and especially about her stories, assuring her that she matters.

If your mother is looking for assurance that her son will be OK, then she'll be able to find some of that in your strength. She will see that her family still has a center, a place for her troubled son to go when he's ready. That's a gift you can give.

This was my response:

Carolyn,
I just read your column on the Seattle PI website while looking for a place to speak about PTSD. It was called "my brothers battle with PTSD" and I was shocked that I couldn't leave a comment. I felt compelled to leave a comment, albeit short, as the general populace has a devastating misconception of PTSD and what to do about it. It's NOT supportive to expect that person to change, to suddenly be ok, or to address their issues that stem from PTSD as traditional addictions, or to see your family member as the problem. They are trying to survive, and often alcohol is the only way not to harm oneself. Perhaps if there was a better support system in our families, our neighborhoods, churches, communities, etc, these people could find the strength to deal with their traumatic events in a holistic, healthy, and supportive environment rather than being cast by society into an internal prison where nothing ever changes, where they're thrown farther from love, from support, from kindness, where they want to die. We all could do a better job of understanding, empathizing, and supporting.

My response to --M. is as follows...

Perhaps you should try to SUPPORT your brother instead of STRESSING HIM OUT... PTSD happens due to a TRAUMATIC event. If you can't understand what that might do to a human being, then don't try to- just offer your unconditional love and support knowing that he's been through something you'll never understand- let alone want to go through yourself. And if your mother cares about her son she will understand this. It won't stress her out because she will understand in all her wisdom that life goes through cycles, and although winter may be long and seems unending, spring eventually follows. Your brother will probably never be the same- he may always have issues with this, and it may be your brothers life that ends first if you don't support him. At least PTSD isn't necessarily a terminal illness. Take it from me.

Read more: http://www.seattlepi.com/lifestyle/advice/article/My-brother-s-battle-with-PTSD-2213751.php#ixzz1ecCobyBe
AND COMMENT OR EMAIL THE COLUMNIST IF YOU FEEL COMPELLED TO!

Generally speaking, in the media-
I'm appalled by the accusatory tone and hostility directed toward those with PTSD and other illnesses like depression and anxiety. I'm completely shocked that someone in an advice column would continue to propagate society's phobic responses toward loss and grieving. If someone survives a traumatic event, chances are that even with your unyielding support, they will never be the same, and very likely will still have a very hard time trying to cope for a long time afterward, possibly forever. Trauma isn't something you just fix or ignore and telling someone to "get over it" is cold and inhuman. Even if you can ignore it for a while, you can't ignore it forever and it will be much worse as time progresses, often manifesting the pain and suffering as withdrawal, neglect, substance abuse, and chronic issues with anger, anxiety, etc. Only soul-less people would see someone in misery, someone suffering, someone in pain, recognize that grieving, and turn a blind eye and direct a hurtful tongue. Society is wrong and the sooner we see that, the sooner we can address it. The sooner we address it, we recognize that people suffer, often because of other people or society's deranged values and beliefs, and if we stand by these grieving people as an unyielding community, no matter how much it hurts to watch or is uncomfortable or inconvenient for us to do, we realize that when it's our turn to suffer, we won't be alone, scared, and lost. The next step is to teach this unconditional love and support to our children as their birthright, as a given in our modern society, as a way for people to come together and support one another. It's our premium for our societal "insurance policy", and even if we never partake of the receiving end ourselves, at least we know we've bettered the world for this generation and the ones to follow.

Live with empathy to extinguish apathy