Tell me a story! I know we all love a good story. Kids won't fall asleep at night without one. Preteen slumber parties wouldn't be the same without a scary ghost story. Young adults like to share funny stories around a campfire. Adults can't stand to miss out on a presale of their favorite series or favorite author. I guess it's not too surprising that even our brain loves telling stories, most interestingly to our subconscious while we aren't paying any attention.
We all have a running story line in our heads- usually something like "I was so dumb to say that! That's why I didn't get that promotion. I'm so stupid!" or "Man if I hadn't stayed up all night partying again I wouldn't have bombed that final. I have absolutely no willpower!". Usually with trauma cases or depression they are much worse and much harder to actually hear. They may just be a screaming in your head at a traumatic memory or flashback and translate in emotion to your brain as "victim", "helpless", "alone", or they may be a subconscious recognition of a string of similar mini traumatic events related by pattern of emotion to the actual original incident that happened. These evoke much deeper running story lines such as "I always get hurt when __" or "Everyone always sees me as an object" or "I always get taken advantage of" or "Everyone who knows what happened to me always looks at me as if I'm broken". There are a million more. I personally know this for a fact. They are always going through your head as definitive, absolute, and unyielding constants and therefore are definitions your brain creates to define your life. What's worse, especially with PTSD, depression, or anxiety, the more you subconsciously think these thoughts, the more you allow the running commentary in your head to continue, the more situations you will subconsciously place yourself in where these thoughts will manifest into perceived truth. You subconsciously (or consciously if you know how) create your life with these thoughts, these definitions of self. By defining yourself as something, you seek more of the same. Essentially, you are a self fulfilling prophesy.
Now before your brain starts telling you that you're screwed, that you're already so far down the wrong path it's too dark to get out, or that you obviously can't even pay attention to it let alone to changing your life, or something similar, realize that changing your thinking can be fun, interesting, safe, and it's not nearly as hard as you may think. Let's first get in the right mindset. First we need to play scientist!
One of my favorite zodiac signs is Aquarius. They tend to be analytical, zany, experimental, detached from even their own lives, driven by an innate desire to observe, experiment or catalyze, observe, try another quirky theory and observe some more. The keyword here is observe, because no matter what they are doing or instigating they are observing- themselves and others- in a detached, analytical way. They find these experiments terribly, morbidly fascinating and usually humorous. Think the music video from the 80's song "She blinded me, with science!". Yep, that's the true essence of Aquarius. Of course even Aquarius's can get bogged down in this self depreciating story line behavior, but it's their curiosity, their observational, scientific behavior and morbid sense of humor we need to tap into.
There are a few ways to go about disassembling your brain and rewiring it for the life you want and desire. All these are excellent tools, and can be used together, but most importantly is OBSERVING. You must observe your brain in action. Pay attention constantly. When you hear yourself thinking something, listen. When you realize you've been spacing out (like a true Aquarius ;) and not paying attention, listen! Listen to both what you are saying and how it makes you feel. Are you being rigid, definitive, absolute and constant (words like always and never are usually indicators of this), or harsh, criticizing, or condemning towards yourself (the present case- specifically "am" can be a recognizable anchor word for this)?
Pay attention always (as much as you can) to your thoughts. When you realize that what you are telling yourself is cruel, not true 100% of the time, or not a cornerstone that you would like to build your life on, gently, and with absolute kindness and an Aquarian intrigue recognize that fact. Acknowledge that fact and gently let the thought go. A great way to do this is to curiously see it, acknowledge it as something you don't need (like when you are shopping and see something super interesting but you would never buy it because it doesn't fit your decor, or it's not you), and let it go. This is a great way to begin to pay attention to your brain- because it says some pretty interesting things when we aren't paying attention.
Good job paying attention to your thoughts- try to do this as often as you can. The next step is to substitute those negative, absolute, set in stone, unyielding thoughts with ones more supportive, more friendly, more close to reality and truth, and ones that you want to build your life around as truths. Many people call these affirmations. I believe there are two kinds.
The first are affirmations, or actively rewiring your motherboard. After you think a negative thought that you want to change, follow the steps above, then insert instead a new thought of your design. Example- "I'm so stupid!", observe and notice, "hmm, interesting thought", let go of thought "I'm an intelligent, valuable being with a grand potential to fulfill". This feels much better, and also notice that there is no judgement placed on the original thought. It's observed with curiosity and let go to be replaced by a new thought. Simple, safe, friendly and effective.
The second type are my favorites and they are especially effective for cases where you identify trends in your thoughts, especially when the feelings associated with whatever thoughts they are bring you back to the trauma or enflame your PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc. I call these mantras. Some of my favorites- "I'm not a victim, I am strong. By allowing ___ to control me, I allow myself to be a victim. I refuse to be a victim. I am strong." Another- "___ that happened to me doesn't make any sense, but if it can be used to help other people, then it's worth it. If I knew ___ could be used to help just one person, pain transmuted into divine intervention, then I would have consciously agreed to it". I find these mantras to be highly empowering, and I use them often- whenever I feel my symptoms taking control, whenever I feel ancient emotions or emotions that are connected like beads on a spiders web back to the original incident and therefore a continuing trend in my life, I use a mantra I made. I might add that these mantras came to me as personal absolute truths, and if you are not paying attention to your thoughts in the first place to even put one and one together and realize trends in your life, then it will be virtually impossible to create mantras that hold true to you and resonate with your soul, but these are very empowering and healing.
Now for you crazy Aquarians or those of you wanting to jump start your learning curve... If you really want to spunk it up, buy some rubber bands- the real thick kind- and be sure they can loosely fit around your wrist. Wear them all the time- especially in the shower. Every time you think one of those interesting-but-not-true thoughts or fascinating-but-not-what-I-want-in-life thoughts, immediately pinch the rubber band at the inside of your wrist, pull back as far as you can physically stomach and let go. You MUST do this as soon as you catch yourself thinking these things- no anticipation, just do it! Now rub your wrist gently, kiss it!, and as you do this, say out loud a kind replacement of the story you originally thought. Example- "I'm so stupi-" SNAP! "owwww!" rub, kiss "I'm an intelligent, valuable being with a grand potential to fulfill". That is still truthful, and it feels so much better! And surprisingly the pain in your wrist actually feels pretty good knowing you're doing something awesome for yourself like programming your inner computer to go the direction in life you want to go. Although wouldn't it be great if redirecting our circuitry was less painful- it really does sting in the shower!
Perhaps though, you will realize some truths when your brain says some things- not in the negativity mind you, but sometimes there is a valid point that you may (or may not!) want to address. For example you see your boyfriend doing housework while you are just sitting around. You notice the running story line- your brain is essentially telling you you are lazy. (There's the "are" insinuating that you are defined as such). That's not very nice, so you clear the thought and replace it with a more supportive one, however you realize that in that specific instance you were perhaps being lazy. You then choose not to be so you get up and help clean. Or perhaps you decide to disagree. Perhaps you just spent a few hours outside weeding or mowing, or perhaps you've had a bad time recently with PTSD symptoms and you need some chill time. Acknowledge this and think something supportive, like "I'm allowed a break from life if I need one- it's important to take care of myself.".
The point is, facts are facts, but nothing is etched in stone or stagnant, including yourself. It's uncomfortable to watch someone who is stiff and can't bend well- our bodies and our minds are happier and more fully functional when they are flexible. Allow yourself room to breathe, room to move, room to live. There- now doesn't that feel better? :)
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