For those living with PTSD and other battles of the mind, past memories, emotions and thoughts all become a means of torture in the prison of the mind. It is impossible to see the mass of tangled up strings within let alone distinguish how to begin to untangle, separate, and release them all. Many lines trace back to points farther than direct sight and surface memories allow and some connect various fragments and pieces of the past that may stretch back into time forgotten. It can be hard to find the end that will begin the separation versus the strings that will just make the knot tighter and more tangled. Past conditioning forms hard beliefs and beliefs form thought processes. Thoughts dictate our options and opportunities available and what paths we take. Often in our unenlightenend rut of living and getting by, we find ourselves forced into a massive dead end, and with mental wars like PTSD the outcome can be overwhelming and completely alienating. It takes time, effort and a new approach to rise above and see the expansive world awaiting you. Although these are specifically ways to control and regulate PTSD, they are beneficial for anyone searching for a more efficient path and a more self-empathetic life.
Mantras-
The unstoppable, incessant, hostile takeover of your mind by shrieking noises, thoughts, and images is brutal, and near impossible to deal with. All you want is for it all to end, to just go away, but you're no longer there. Those emotions you've refused to allow, the truths you've refused to accept, everything from the past you've buried have demanded to be heard- they refuse to be silent any longer- they have bubbled over. Only a sliver of a remnant is left of the conscious self, and it takes all your energy, all your effort to contain the enemy so you can retain your cognizance. You need a weapon that is sharp and true to cut through the heavy ether. Every time those uncontrollable voices, sounds, recordings of the past, videos, newsreels, thoughts, start to take over your existence, use the mantras to regain control. Mantras are a way to regain the control that is rightfully yours, to strong-arm the oppressor, to rally the defense and fight the resistance. They allow you to override the defenses of your mind and specifically redesign your thoughts and reactions based on your desired outcome. Use mantras to form specific beliefs that can be a rallying cry in times of stress and confusion and refocus your mind to the desired path. These mantras are based in fact and are true- you can back them up by hard evidence. They are based on how you rightfully view yourself. For most people the mantra "I will not allow myself to be a victim- I am strong" will work. There is definitive evidence in your past that you were strong. Perhaps you went through military training, martial arts training, sports training, perhaps you've trained your mind through public speaking or performance, or creative or studious pursuits, perhaps you've always been the one others can confide in, trust and depend on, but at the very least you've been living through this- and that makes you strong! Many people wouldn't be able to deal with the trauma you've faced (just observe someone's repetitive petty complaints in online forums and social networking sites). You refuse to allow this to control you because you have DEFINITIVE PROOF that you are strong. Another good mantra starter is that you are smart or empathetic or wise. Listen to your inner voice, your inner place of quiet (yes it can be very hard to find when you have PTSD- it just takes more focus, effort and patience). Look through the pain, fear, and insanity in your mind to deep within where resides your inner core that is immovable. Hear your personal truths and realize what specifically you don't want, but figure out what specifically you wish to be in that space that you don't want, and what truths will get you to where you need to be. Listen to your inner voice for the right mantra, put it together, and use it OFTEN! Perhaps you wish to be stronger when the noise in your head threatens to overtake you- you don't want to be overtaken, instead you wish to be stronger. Finding evidence and facts that you are strong to base the mantra on, you say "I will not allow myself to be a victim- I am strong". Be sure your mantra is based on personal truth so it will resonate with your immovable core. If it doesn't quite fit, tweak the wording until it does. Mine came to me by my inner voice very suddenly while driving. You can think all the thoughts, feel all the emotions, but you don't have to allow the insanity inside your mind associated with these thoughts, playbacks, and emotions. They don't have to control and take over your mind. You are strong, smart, witty, cunning, whatever you definitively are. And you are not alone.
Listening and monitoring your thoughts-
Eventually you will come to realize that these demons, are actually not the enemies you once thought them to be, rather they are kindly friends, entities you yourself have created to serve you and you trapped within yourself because they simply weren't understood. If given the opportunity they can be wonderful teachers and monitors of your inner state, all it takes is a little work, some trust, and willingness to allow and understand. Without judgement, always pay attention to your thoughts and running commentary in the mind. What are you telling yourself? What are you saying? Don't judge, just pay attention with the intense curiosity of a five year old. Allow these thoughts and feelings to run their course. Give them permission to exist to the fullest extent and duration they require, while you remove yourself from their tirades and separate yourself from any expected or preconceived outcomes. Let go, step back and observe (you can choose to do this at first in a place you feel safe, like home, but the ultimate goal is to do this at all times). Notice any patterns. Question these noticeable patterns with the open ended curiosity of a five year old. Without judgement, just interest and curiosity. Perhaps you notice that you don't trust yourself. Perhaps you notice that you don't trust others. Perhaps you notice fears that are rather irrational for their time or place or perhaps you recognize phobias. Perhaps you will begin to notice a connection throughout past events. Perhaps you will feel things that you haven't felt in years, or ever! Just notice with a chuckle- how interesting! You are a very deep, strange, interesting person. Keep noticing. Notice eventually if you still believe these in their fullest capacity, or do these thoughts begin to soften? Are all people untrustworthy, or can you trust some people? Who? (perhaps close family or friends or your counselor or your group). Do you trust some people with certain things and other people with other things? Are you always untrustworthy, or can you be trusted to do certain things? What? (perhaps taking a walk, going to work, making dinner, giving attention and affection to an animal, etc). Keep noticing, determine whether these thoughts actually serve you. They are your thoughts- you can think anything you like at any time! And there are usually facts that support whatever you wish to believe- the facts you choose to focus on are the ones that stand out and form the basis of your beliefs. Notice how the feelings, though intense (it's been a while since you've allowed them room to express themselves after all), ebb and flow like waves in the ocean. They run deep now as they've had so much time to accumulate, but notice how you can relax into them, how you can give them permission to exist because after all they are your creation as a response to your external surroundings, and they have a right to exist as they were a warranted reaction. Notice how you can observe these emotional responses and reactions without buying into them as stories, how you can feel them to their fullest extent but can keep open a channel of empathy and understanding. Give them a gentle proverbial hug and allow them to run their course like a two year old throwing a tantrum. Give them room to express themselves (create nonsensical art, or free form writing, or get into nature) so they can be heard and move on. Thoughts, feelings, and beliefs change with the seasons- allow yourself to be flexible.
Be thankful-
Take the time to picayunely address everything you see around you that's not a negative and say thanks for it, to your god, to the people or animals who surround you, to a higher power, to the universe, to yourself. Even just stating "I'm so very thankful for ___ because ___" will do the trick. Do it often, do it for everything. Go out of your way to find something you are grateful for, something that makes you smile, or something you couldn't live without (your car, your cat, your book collection, your comic books, DVDs, video games, beer, chocolate, pajamas, your iPhone, green grass, brown grass, grey skies, vampires, whatever). Anything remotely close to being ok needs this ritual applied to it (that means being thankful for the toilet and plumbing, running water, window panes or screens depending on where you live, carpet, the couch, the heater or air conditioner or fan, light bulbs, whatever). Be as ridiculous as you like- make it into a game- just be honestly grateful and thankful when you say so. Realize and connect with your gratitude. Understand how life would be different and more difficult without these things (no plumbing means getting cold, wet, and miserable running outside to use the bathroom). Whenever you realize that you are alive and a part of existence, find something around you to be truly grateful for and connect to that gratitude in the moment.
“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.”
— Maya Angelou
Which leads me to the next item...
Make up a new story-
I don't mean make up a new story about what happened to you. That's over and in the past. The story you get to create is the story of how your past will shape your future and what the past means to you in relation to the present and the future. You need to look ahead for this. What do you want out of life? It doesn't need to be specific for now, your thoughts on this may not even make sense right away- just a general idea or feeling will do, and as a hint, it often won't center around you directly or specifically. Mine was that I would like my experience to help as many other people as possible, hopefully catching on like wildfire and changing the dogma of society from the smallest unit (the person or family level), removing the social stigma from a natural process (PTSD, depression, anxiety), and creating a new and empathetic future for mankind. Yours may be quite different! You get to choose and rewrite your path. Sure we all learned in math class that bad things happen to good people and that's bad, but you get to decide what that means, what that equation equals. Will you take what has happened and transmute it for your higher goals and purposes? Will you remember your loss and use it for good purposes, or destructive purposes? Will you give the cherished thing that was lost the honor in your life that it deserves, or deny it the potential it gave to you? You get to decide, and decide what these questions mean for you. You are an empty slate- the world is yours for the taking- but feel free to go easy and take your time. Enjoy the process.
Rinse, wash, repeat-
As life goes through cycles, so will your journey. It will be made of many battles, and these steps will need repeated. Constantly. Re-state mantras, form new ones, monitor your thoughts always, be inquisitive and curious, be open and non-judgemental, be empathetic and listen, learn something interesting about yourself everyday, consider your options, and always remember your purpose (which you create with every thought), shaping the fallout of your past to be both the bridge and the driving force to get you to your future.
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Go through your day and see how much you can observe rather than simply react to. How does it feel? How free can you feel by allowing emotions without reacting to them?
Here are a few mantras I've discovered that have helped me along...
I refuse to be a victim- I am the one who chooses what path I take
I am strong- I don't need to allow my thoughts to control me
I choose what will have meaning in my life and what it's purpose will be- I choose to use what has happened for good
If its happening, be for it- allow whatever is happening in this moment to happen and be present for it; you can't fight an ocean current, just let it wash over you
I am a river of life energy and peace- I allow what is to wash over me and happen
I am enough
When I seek others what I truly desire is connection, not attention
I don't need to fix anything, I'm not broken- I am fine in the now, I am me in the present and I'm here
Here's a daily e-letter (small daily e-note) of mantra starters and universal truths you can subscribe to, to help start your day. Notes from the universe.
What mantras resonate with you? If you could envision some mantras to take you to your desired outcome, what would they be? What personal truths would they be centered around? What qualities do you already possess that could take you further on your journey and help you create a clearer path?
I leave you with a mantra of truth- "You are exactly all you need"
